dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
