I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
