I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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