dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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