The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Just high enough for therapy.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
