i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have aggressive nipples.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize
