my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
