he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
