yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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