I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Sorry about my life...
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
