When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
