just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
