That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
