dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
