OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
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