I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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