I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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