I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
