susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
