my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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