You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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