I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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