Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
