I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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