You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so let's talk penis.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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