Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
