..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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