.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
