the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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