OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
