if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
