I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
