I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
