I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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