All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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