i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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