i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
