I didn't shave. On purpose
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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