If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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