I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
