There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
