I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
