This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
