So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
