I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
