If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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