things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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