Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
