I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
