tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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