Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I will be naked everywhere
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
