Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
